KINDLING with Tania Menegatti
Welcome to this blog post of Kindling - a letter to nourish your soul, inspire your mind KINDLING.
In this issue of KINDLING you will find:
1) My reflections on how the world has changed over the last month
2) A tried, tested and simple practice you can use to work through big feelings and thought spirals
3) How to access ‘Calm Heart’ - my free online Facebook group through which I will be sharing many micro practices to keep your feet on the ground, heart open and head clear in these challenging times.
4) Details of my first online ecstatic awakening dance class.
5) A musical track to give you some solace.
Nowhere to go. Nothing to do. Just be here now.
Everything has changed
It’s just over a month since I last wrote a blog post. In that short time the world as we know it has changed. We find ourselves dealing with something that most of us have never experienced the likes of in our lifetime. A global pandemic. The closest thing I’ve come to experiencing something of this magnitude was living in Japan during the earthquake, tsunami and nuclear meltdown of 2011.
Perspective
And while there is no doubt that what is happening is having a huge impact both in terms of human life and how our social and economic constructs are organised - I’ve also had to remind myself that things of this scale happen all the time - but they largely go unnoticed because it’s happening in developing countries. Not to undermine the significance of this pandemic in any way however, I had to read up to learn that each year diarrhoea kills over 1 million people, malnutrition kills over 3 million children and air pollution kills 8 million people. It is easy not to think about these things as we don’t see them covered this intensely in the mainstream press.
Getting sucked in
That said, over the last few weeks I’ve felt complete overwhelm as I found myself getting sucked into the ‘infodemic’ as well as the pandemic. I downloaded news apps to keep up to date. I watched the news daily having not watched it for months. I sought out information from mainstream sources and otherwise. And if that wasn’t enough social media hooked me in.
The feelings are real
It was anxiety inducing. I went into fear. That gut churning, heart pumping fear. There were times when I found myself shaking. And I sat through it and saw it to the other side; to trust. I told myself a hundred stories until I’d exhausted myself and let them go. I felt grief. That grief that hits you five seconds after you wake up and then you remember and your heart sinks. Heartbreak for those directly affected. For families who can’t mourn the loss of their loved ones. For the elderly, the vulnerable, those already suffering from anxiety and loneliness. For people who’s work has dried up or business has collapsed overnight. For people who were already on the bread line. Reliant on food banks - now wondering how to feed themselves.
Navigating the internal storm with small simple practices
I searched my bag of tools for practices that could help me through these feelings and get me out of my negative thought spiral. So, I worked with a bunch of micro practices that took no more than 5 minutes to help me to stay steady and strong. Sometimes I did them several times a day. Sometimes they were as micro as placing my hands on my heart, letting me feel what I was feeling and whispering comforting words to myself.
Awe, gratitude and love
And there were all sorts of other feelings apart from fear, anxiety, and grief. Total awe at mother nature and how she is, in my mind, rebalancing things. The deepest of gratitude for everything from the birds singing in a spring morning, the sun shining, and venus glowing brightly in the night sky, to being able to breath air into my lungs and having time with my family. To be able to hold my children tight and smell their skin.
Falling into silence
The silence. Oh my the silence. Like the earth is exhaling. My four year old was the first to notice it. ‘Mummy it is so, so quiet now’. It was a Tuesday afternoon. A profound quietness enveloped us. It was more than no planes in the sky and traffic on the nearby road. The earth, it seemed, was in some deep, deep, way becoming more alive. It swept over me like some kind of relief.
Letting go and leaning in
As a parent who is now wrapping my head around home schooling, I’m not completely ‘slowing down’, but certainly living differently. I have noticed how lockdown is forcing me to give in and give up in so many ways. All illusion of being in control is shattered now. And I’m surprised at myself for how easy it can be to just be when you allow yourself to fall into the arms of trust. I confess I’ve spent most my life in some way desperate to be able to prove my value, to provide, to be ‘productive’ according to a paradigm of success that never really fitted me. But now that paradigm doesn’t fit anyone anymore does it? I let it go without guilt. I’m finding myself giving up ideas I had in my head about what I ‘should’ be doing while simultaneously resisting what I was doing. Now I’m doing what needs to be done. Cooking meals, keeping the family safe. Getting the children out and about in the garden. There’s something that feels very clean about that.
We are all connected
Finally, despite the physical distancing practices in place, I feel more connected - in a very real and heartfelt way - to my family, friends, community and humanity. I feel them all in my heart like never before. I love them like never before. While what is happening through this pandemic is impacting us on an individual level - it is a very palpable reminder of how interconnected we are.
We have become so disconnected to the things that truly matter - this feels like a harsh but perhaps necessary way to remind us what is important and meaningful in our lives.
Live as if your life depended on it
And so, as I say when I take people into the deep relaxation at the end of a dance: ‘nowhere to go, nothing to do, just be here now’. I find myself being here now a little bit more these days. And no so frequently confusing living as if my life depended on it with having to be doing all the time. Being is enough. More than enough. May all your moments be precious to you.
Using RAIN to work through fear
One compassionate and powerful micro-practice that I’ve been using over the past few weeks to work through big feelings and difficult times is R.A.I.N; developed by psychologist, author and wise woman Tara Brach:
Recognise what you’re feeling.
Allow your feelings to be there, just as they are.
Investigate what is really going on for you - with kindness.
Natural awareness, which comes from not identifying with the experience
Here’s how to use the R.A.I.N method:
R: Take a moment to recognise that you are feeling a big emotion. Where in your body are you feeling it? What thoughts are running through your head? Simply recognising and naming the emotion without judgement can be really helpful. For example, saying to yourself: “I am feeling fear” or “I am feeling grief.”
A: Allowing means letting it be, just as it is; acknowledging and accepting your present moment reality. You don’t have to like the situation, but you can accept it. After all, what is the alternative? Resisting reality is energy zapping and doesn’t change your reality in any way. It is not unusual to unconsciously resist, suppress, ignore or numb out difficult emotions. But this inner struggle creates more suffering and can lead to getting hooked by the very emotions you’re trying to avoid feeling. This means you’re more likely to react to what is going on rather than respond. Can you instead give an inner ‘yes’ to the present moment experience? This ‘yes’ can create an immediate and palpable inner softening and sense of ease.
I: Now that you have recognised and allowed the emotion you can choose to investigate it. Sometimes steps R and A are enough and you may not feel the need to do the “I” step. Investigating what is going on involves enquiring with questions: “Why do I feel this way?” “What has happened to influenced my feelings?” “Are there other factors involved such as tiredness?” “What do I really need right now?” “What actions could I take to support myself and or others during this difficult time?” These questions can help you become wiser and enables you to choose a more conscious response; one that reflects your values and intentions. Investigation may even resolve and dissolve the emotions completely; although this isn’t the aim of the practice. Thinking in terms of goals for this sort of practice is unhelpful.
N: Finally, remember that you are not your mind, not your thoughts, not your feelings or your emotions. You are the natural awareness that is always present underneath all of those things. By not identifying with your thoughts, feelings or emotions - your sense of who you are is not defined by them. This creates a sense of freedom. Regardless of how intense and painful a rollercoaster ride you’re on you are the still, silent and untouched peace in the middle of it all.
You can use this practice anytime you feel any sort of strong emotion. It’s a simple and powerful way to come home to yourself- your one true refuge - in challenging times. If you try it out I’d love to hear about your experience with it.
Calm heart - free access to micro practices to keep you strong and steady
I warmly invite you to join my Facebook group Calm Heart through which I will share many micro practices, including R.A.I.N to keep your feet on the ground, your heart open and your head clear in these challenging times. These are the tools I use as a transformational coach, a teacher of ecstatic awakening dance, yoga and meditation and a human being who is living in the same VUCA (volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous) world as you.
My hope is that these short practices; meditations, visualisations, reflections, enquiries etc... will give you a chance to go within, slow down and listen to your own inner guidance and that they enable you to practice self-compassion and fill your cup. With a full cup we are able to show compassion to others. Please join now ready for me to start posting there on the morning of Monday 13 April.
In return I ask that you please pay it forward - offer something to your local food bank, do a random of act of kindness to someone in need. Tinned soup and fresh fruit on the doorstep of an elderly neighbour. Milk and Ella’s for that single mum who can’t get to the shops. You’ll know what to do!
Hard times require furious dancing
I’ll be offering my first online ecstatic awakening dance class via zoom on Thursday 16 April at 8pm. If you’re new to ecstatic awakening dance - everything you need to know about it is explained on my website.
Here are the joining details: https://zoom.us/j/272140204 Please put the date and time in your diary and email me to let me know you’re coming: tania@taniamenegatti.com As this is the first time I’ll be offering a class online and via zoom please be patient with me!
Again, I ask that you please pay it forward - offer something to your local food bank, do a random of act of kindness to someone in need.
I look forward to seeing you on the virtual dance floor!
If music be the food of love – play on
Time and again two things bring me great solace; nature and music. I feel very blessed to live so close to ancient woodland. I’ve just come back from an hour long walk in the hail. It was refreshing! I hope you find a way to get your regular dose of nature medicine. While I can’t send you nature over an email; here is a link to a beautiful piece of music I have discovered recently: ‘All Related’ by Nessi Gomes from her 2016 album ‘Diamonds & Demons’.
https://open.spotify.com/track/2HyzvdOcJLmeAMoxx2VoP3?si=Itl-Hfx8QBGidCXmFT5v1A
May you be well. May you be happy. May you be free from suffering. Much love to you
Tania x